


The Not-so-secret Family Secret

by WhiteravenGreywolf



Series: If I stay [12]
Category: Captain Marvel (2019)
Genre: And the many times she almost said it, F/F, Family Drama, Family Feels, Family Fluff, How she actually found out about her moms, Monica's POV, Possible TW Homophobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-23
Updated: 2019-03-23
Packaged: 2019-11-28 11:40:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,711
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18207827
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WhiteravenGreywolf/pseuds/WhiteravenGreywolf
Summary: How Monica found out about her mom and Auntie Carol and those few times she almost said something before she eventually did.





	The Not-so-secret Family Secret

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! Is recycling your old stories from a different point of view being out of ideas yet? Well, I'm not technically out of ideas, I haven't even touched on the MCU events yet but seriously if you have any prompts for this AU I'm all ears! I want to wait until April before I start including Carol in the Avengers.  
> Yesterday I learn about a little movie called "Unicorn Store" which Netflix will release on April 5th. If you haven't heard of it, it's nothing, you know, just Brie Larson's directorial debut! I'm so hyped for it right now! You should definitely check out the trailer if you haven't! It stars both Brie Larson herself and Samuel L Jackson (in a pink three-piece suit no less) I feel compelled to promote this movie right now, for obvious reasons.  
> But anyway, as usual, thank you all for all of your amazing comments from the previous stories of the series, and I'll see you guys tomorrow with another story!

Monica knew about their family secret. Of course, she knew. She had known for quite some time. She didn't remember a time Carol hadn't been there for her, though at the time she didn't know the whys and hows. She had a mom, and she had an aunt who was kind of like her mom, and that was it. And things could have stayed like that forever, and it wouldn't have been so bad. But then the accident happened.

  
She'd cried a lot when she'd learned the truth. That auntie Carol was gone, and she wasn't coming back. It was so hard to believe. Her mom had also cried a lot. She remembered having nightmares and going to see her mom for comfort, only to find her crying as well. So they would comfort each other because Carol wasn't there to do it. Of course, six years later, Carol had returned, and she'd stayed, and somehow, things had returned to the way they were. It was then that she'd been old enough to question their family dynamic. Because there was no other way to put it. They were a family. She had two mothers.

  
It had started one morning, just a month or two after Carol had come to live with them again. Carol supposedly slept on the couch because they didn't have any empty room for her. Every morning when Monica woke up, Carol was already awake and about, and the couch was put back together. Monica just assumed it was the first thing Carol did in the morning.

  
One Saturday morning, she went down the stairs only to find the couch empty.  This, in itself, hadn't seemed strange. However, Carol wasn't in the kitchen, or outside. Her jacket was still on the coat hangar, so she couldn't have gone far. Monica returned back up and decided to wait and see. Just as she passed her mom's bedroom, Goose pushed the door wide open to walk out. The flerken began to rub herself against Monica's leg. Monica picked her up and Goose began to purr.

  
Monica looked up for no particular reason other than move on and return to her bedroom when something caught her attention in the room. With the help of the weak morning light passing into the hall and through the door, Monica could very distinctively make out blond hair on the pillow, barely peaking out from under the blanket. Those were definitively auntie Carol's hair. Monica didn't think much of it. She must have had a nightmare, or a hard time falling asleep. Sleeping on the couch couldn't be comfortable in the long run, even if Carol was indestructible.

  
However, it happened more and more often. Once, sometimes twice a week, Monica would wake up before Carol and find her in her mother's bed. There was something more, she thought, something she wasn't seeing or understanding. So she started being more careful. She started noticing things. Like the way, they looked at each other. The way they interacted together. How they seemed to be able to read each other's mind. How they cuddled on the couch during movie nights. The pictures her mother kept of the three of them in her wallet, and the ones Carol kept in hers. At one point, she felt the need to write it all down. There was something super strange, something that still didn't add up. Because for as long as she could remember, they had always been like that, even before the accident.

  
Things could have remained like that, a very confused jumble of thoughts that didn't seem to make much sense if she hadn't seen them kiss. It was late one evening. She'd been woken up by sounds coming from downstairs. Her mother had been at work for almost a week. Now that she worked for SHIELD, she would spend a few days up to a week in Washington DC, then come back home for a week or two. Monica didn't know why they hadn't moved up to Washington since it would make things easier. Her mother's voice had taken her out of her semi-conscious state. Usually, she would have bounded out of bed and ran down the stairs to great her, but she was sleepy, only half-awake.

  
She walked down the stairs slowly, one step at a time, rubbing her tired eyes. She must have been too quiet, too discrete, because neither Carol nor her mother had seen her. They were in the kitchen, standing beside the counter. Her mother was taking a glass of water, Carol was talking to her. Monica's memory had completely erased the conversation, only, she vividly remembered Carol taking her mother's hands and saying:

  
"I love you."

  
Her mother replied:

  
"I love you too."

  
And they kissed. Monica was stunned on the last step of the stairs. Adrenaline seized her heart and she turned around and walked back up, somehow without attracting their attention. She was back in her bed and curled up on her side in no time, and though she kept her eyes close, she knew she wouldn't fall asleep so soon. Her mind was running amok. This was what wasn't adding up. This was the missing piece of the puzzle. Her heart was beating frantically in her chest. A few minutes later she heard footsteps moving up the stairs. The door to her bedroom squeaked. She didn't move, she pretended to sleep.

  
"See? In bed by 9:30, like you ordered," Carol declared proudly.

  
"I'll let her sleep then."

  
The door to her bedroom was closed once again, leaving Monica alone with her thoughts.

  
She fell asleep again after some time, her mind too exhausted to continue pondering over the family secret. However, when she fell asleep, she was sure of one thing. Carol and her mom were together, and they'd been for as long as she remembered. The question of why they hadn't told her had brushed her mind. Then, she realized she didn't know anyone else like them. All of her friends had a normal family. All the members of her extended family had normal parents. Hers was special. She couldn't quite grasp just how special yet.

  
The next morning, she decided not to say anything and wait. Maybe they were waiting for her to be a bit more mature to understand the situation. She was smart and almost a teenager. It would come soon.

* * *

  
  
It was a few weeks after she'd started 7th grade that she finally understood why her mothers had never said anything. One of the boys in her year had been beaten up by older students in the boys' locker room. She had only heard of it through the gossip mills who whispered in the back of the class. They'd broken two of his ribs and he had to be sent to the hospital. She didn't even know the kid. But she knew why they'd beaten him up. Because they had accused him of being gay.

  
It was a violent wake-up call for Monica. All these foreign concepts that came crashing down on her so suddenly. Being a girl made her weaker, apparently. Being black made her dumber, apparently. She couldn't imagine what having two moms made of her. She started having nightmares of people finding out that she had two moms, or someone finding out that her mom was gay, or that Carol was gay. What would happen to them? Well, she couldn't imagine anyone ever touching Carol, because she would blow them up, but her mom wasn't a superhero.

  
Monica had contained all those fears for as long as she could. One afternoon, her mother had found her seating in the garden with Goose on her lap. She was sobbing, trying to be strong and brush off her tears. Goose was purring sadly as if trying to comfort her. She walked up to her quickly and sat beside her.

  
"Monica, what's wrong?" she asked with worry.

  
Monica couldn't hold her feelings in anymore. She burst into tears, her head falling against her mother's chest, and Maria hugged her close. She cried and cried. All the thoughts in her mind were shaken and broken into so many pieces that she couldn't put them into order any more. Not a sound passed her lips for a very long time. Maria didn't say anything, just hugged her and rubbed her back until she calmed down. Once she had, her mother asked:

  
"What's going on, baby girl? You know you can tell me anything, right?"

  
So Monica explained. She talked about the kid they'd beaten up at school, and the way boys had started treated her because she was a girl. In all of this jumble, she said how she was scared for her mother, though everything must have been so discontinuation that Maria hadn't understood the reason why particularly. Only, she reassured her:

  
"I've made it this far in life with everyone looking down on me. So has Carol. So have a lot of women out there. I know it's hard to be different, but I know you'll pull through. Never let anyone take you down. You're so much smarter and stronger than them."

  
They'd hugged, and Maria had promised:

  
"We'll always be there for you. Both Carol and I. If you want to talk, we're right there."

  
Monica wanted to say that she could talk to her too, but she'd simply nodded. She understood why it was a secret. She only wished that it wasn't.

* * *

  
  
There were a lot of close calls after that, so many moments when Monica would have grown suspicious if she didn't already know. She found them cuddling in bed in the morning so many times it became very clear Carol never slept on the couch at all. Of course, the whole 'Let's coincidentally both be in the kitchen when the change of year happens' was the biggest red flag Monica had ever seen. The times they would travel somewhere and rent a room for three wasn't a bad one either. But since she never questioned it, she just assumed moms thought she didn't suspect anything.

  
She was watching the news with her mother when the whole Ellen thing happened. Carol was out of planet. Maybe if she'd been home the conversation would have been different. Monica asked her mother questions about it, gave her as many opening as one could only dream of, but she didn't betray the secret. When Carol came home, she also tried to push her a bit, and while it was very obvious that Carol was the weak link of the two, her aunt also backpedaled spectacularly, bending over backward to try and make it seem like there wasn't an elephant in the room.

  
That evening, when she heard her mother coming home, she crept downstairs like she'd done so many times before. She listened in as her moms talked in the kitchen:

  
"...I know we always said we'd wait until she was older, but she's thirteen. I think she's old enough to understand. Plus, it visibly doesn't bother her."

  
Carol was trying to convince her mom to change her mind. Maybe she should be the one to initiate the conversation, she thought. She took another step downstairs when her mother replied:

  
"There's a big difference between knowing a big celebrity is gay and accepting that your mother and aunt have been in a long time relationship. I don't want to lose her over this. You know I love you, but she will always come first. And this is too heavy for a kid to bear."

  
It stopped her dead in her tracks. Her mother was trying to protect her. Well, she already knew, so she didn't know if it was some form of failure. But most importantly, it seemed she wasn't ready to tell her. Monica turned around and walked back up into her room. She sat down on her bed and thought longly about her options. She could come clean and tell them she knew, or continue to pretend she didn't.

  
"Monica!"

  
Panic jolted through her body. She picked up her headphones and the CD Walkman she'd received for Christmas and pressed play without bothering to check which CD was inside. A minute or so later, Carol came knocking on her door.

  
"What?" she asked, taking her headphones off.

  
"We're ordering pizza, want something in particular?"

  
She frowned.

  
"Wait, I thought we were eating fries tonight?"

  
Carol pursed her lips.

  
"Now we're eating pizza."

  
Monica shrugged.

  
"Whatever is fine with me."

  
Carol nodded.

  
"A whatever pizza for you then."

  
Carol was her usual chipper self. She didn't seem to suspect a thing. She was about to leave her bedroom when Monica called her back:

  
"Auntie Carol?"

  
Carol stopped, her hand still on the handle.

  
"Yeah?"

  
Monica thought for a moment. Should she say it? Was she ready to assume the consequences of what she was about to say? She could feel her heart hammering in her chest and her hands shaking. It was too much.

  
"I missed you."

  
Carol smiled at her brightly.

  
"I missed you too, Lieutenant Trouble."

* * *

  
  
After that moment of cowardice, Monica promised she would take the next chance she had to talk about it with her parents. It never came up. Once again she lived on the hopes that they would initiate the conversation, but time went on and it became rather obvious that it would never happen. She'd had over two years to think it over. Things were different now. She was older. She'd seen hardship for herself. She knew things would never be simple like they were before. And she was fine with it.

  
It was the New Year's Eve of 1999, the end of a millennium. She was placing things in the living room, Goose hot on her trail. She picked up the flerken with a smile and petted her:

  
"I know what you're doing and it's not going to work. Tripping people is not funny."

  
She placed Goose back on the couch and was about to walk back in the kitchen, ready to bring more things over when she heard her moms talking:

  
"I mean, we've come so far, why blow it now? Let's wait. We'll tell her after her graduation or something."

  
Monica bit her lower lip. This was not good. Carol wasn't usually the one who wanted to wait for anything. Heck, if she could burn her hands they would be covered of scars from cookies picked up off the hotplate too early.

  
"Something tells me you only want to wait to see if we can make it another year and a half without getting caught."

  
"Well yeah, there's the challenge, sure. But it's up to you. You decide."

  
Monica crossed her arms and waited for her mom's answer. Beside her, Goose was rubbing her head against her leg.

  
"We decide together. That's what parents do, remember? They decide together."

  
Well, so much for that.

  
"Together."

  
Monica hurried back onto the couch as it seemed their conversation was over. She sat down and turned on the TV.

  
"Guys!" she called out, "Movie's about to start!"

  
She picked up Goose and placed it on her lap. The flerken didn't complain. More food was brought over, Carol and Monica joking about Carol's powers as everyone settled down. However, Monica's heart was beating wildly in her chest. She was faced with the choice once again. She needed to think this one through.

  
"Do we still have iced tea?" she asked.

  
"Yeah, it's in the fridge," Carol replied.

  
She stood up, placing Goose back on the ground and walked to the kitchen. Meanwhile, all her thoughts were scrambling in her mind. Do it. Don't. Do. Don't. She picked up a glass from the cabinet and opened the fridge. She served herself a glass and was about to put the bottle back in its place when one of the pictures on the fridge caught her attention. It was the one from the Christmas before the accident. It used to be locked in the box of memory, but it had been placed on the fridge after Carol's return. They looked so happy, the three of them. A small, happy family.

  
"Can you do me a favor this year?"

**Author's Note:**

> PS: I finally know how to write "Auntie"! I'm making progress you guys!


End file.
